I’ve been feeling something quite different lately. Something that has not happened in over 2 years. That was the last time I was working these ‘effing odd hours. Now I’m back to the insanity that reminds me of a episode (not necessarily bad) of The Twilight zone. I’m facing some of the evils that took place last time around, but I have not allowed my health to deteriorate with a very strict diet: Green apples every day with Soy milk and light dinners.
The cocoon sleep has returned as well wherein I fall asleep and then then wake up right in the afternoon with no recollection of my dreams but only the realization that the world moved while I slept. I recollect from the archives of my blog that the week in April 06 when I was going through my first week of night work, it felt like I’d been doing drugs and tequila shots every day of the week. This time, things have been much smoother. However, I feel like I’m in constant stasis with every moment, every thought and every step requiring critical moments of concentration. I don’t think my reaction times have slowed down, its just that the world is moving at a slower pace which is perfect for me right now. You may have heard how people nearing death say the world slows down and their life flashes before their eyes. Some people have researched this and it appears to be a scientific fact about time slowing down so you can react quicker… actually its only your brain that makes it appear so.
So to sum it up, I’m a machine constantly on the edge of life without any real threat to it. I don’t know how long I can do this because for the past 3 months, the amount of time I’ve spent with myself is more than I have in any extended period of time.
The younger me would never have complained but he was immature and stupid to the degree I will be now when I look back 5 years from today. But isn’t that the object of life? To understand the importance of things and the quest to find answers to the questions one might encounter in real life.
To quote an old Chinese proverb, “Rolling stones gather no moss.”
Excerpts from a song that really haunts me at times and I can identify with:-
I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand
It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn’t believe what I’d become
For some reason I can’t explain
I know Saint Peter won’t call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world
- All from “Viva La Vida” by Coldplay
